Bistro du Vin – “Divin” – SOHO

Natty patty.

I was a Bistro du Vin/Hotel du Vin novice until a week ago, however I knew my Wednesday night could only be looking up if I was to be rolling into a temple devoted to wine, Anglo-Gallic grub and oodles of cheese. I am a simple girl, the words “bistro”, “vin” and a temperature-controlled larder humming with the faint feety odour of a smorgasbord of French fromages is enough to get my pulse racing and my tastebuds breakdancing.

Les Deux Salons. Bon mais “bof”.

Ma’s birthday came around, I thought I’d treat the spring chicken to a posh meal in t’town. Covent Garden is conveniently located for them and I’d yet to visit any of the Anthony Demètre trio of Wild Honey, Arbutus or Les Deux Salons, so here was my occasion.

I love French bistro food. I love it, there’s no getting round it. Fling me the deglazed foie gras and snails. Serve me up a steaming bouillabaisse or salade de gésiers! Mmmm for lemon tart…

The Great Mi-Steak – Le Relais de Venise L’Entrecote

Saucy little number.

Industrialist Henry Ford must have felt pretty chuffed with himself knowing his Assembly Line production method would lead to the consumerist revolution and propel the States into the stratosphere. The concept of Fordist assembly line production is simple enough: The motion of workers is minimized to the greatest extent possible. Each worker typically performs one simple operation. In the case of Le Relais de Venise, that simple operation appears to consist of drowning a perfectly innocent steak in a tidal wave of pigeon poo-coloured “special sauce”.